Exit through the beigel shop
I see 1.30 in the morning come and go squatted in a rubber dinghy on Regent’s Canal, clutching a Swiss army knife and humming “Last Christmas” by Wham under my breath. Hackney is drizzling on me. Something scuttles and squeaks a few metres to my left. Common knowledge says that in London, you are never … Read more
On walking down the pink aisle
Riley here is brilliant, but understandably a bit confused: I don’t know either, Riley. Would you take comfort if I told you that the very same conundrum confounded me when I was your age, many moons ago? I am still, at best, bewildered by the gender binary code at play in toy shops. To refresh … Read more
Big Brother is eyeing me with disgust
Sometimes, I wonder what the amazon box-up lady thinks of me. You see, I have just placed an order containing an Eerie, Indiana: The Complete Series boxset, Mean Girls on DVD and Foucault’s Madness and Civilisation. Oh, and another copy of American Psycho, since my old one is M.I.A. on the borrowing rota. Surely, there … Read more
Keep moving forward
In Yoga, the firefly position comes into being thusly: Go into a squat, place both palms firmly on the ground just behind your feet, index finger and thumb framing your heel. Then shift your weight – yes, all of it– onto your palms and forearms and straighten your legs, bringing your feet forward and yourself … Read more
The siren’s call
Four times. That’s how often I have been to a Starbucks branch in the past seven days. Every morning, I’ve brushed my teeth with an oral b toothpaste using an oral b electric toothbrush. Oral B is one of the many brands of the procter and gamble group. My shaver, shampoo and cold medicine are … Read more
I am very concerned
There is a rogue smiley face watching all of us. There it is, at the right-most edge at this templ – NO, don’t look now, you fool! Be a bit more stealthy. … I tried clicking it, expecting a Sandra Bullock in “The Net”-esque dramatic reveal and ensuing action adventure, but it doesn’t do anything. … Read more
